Category: Africa’s Warm Heart
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Chess? Too dangerous!
Malawians are some of the happiest people on earth. The nation may be amongst the poorest countries on the planet (with one of the lowest per capita incomes in the world), but the humour, the energy, the humanity and the vitality of Malawi is evident everywhere you go. Of course there are the drunks, the corrupt,…
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“This is Africa”….On the Road
After much time off-grid, I’ve a journey through Nkata Bay and on to Lilongwe. It’s almost time to get myself on a plane. I’ve arranged a ride with the mechanical genius, Puncque (pronounced Punk-ee) although typically in Malawian style, he arrives roughly five hours late. I am not exaggerating. This is Africa… Our chariot of…
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The African Barking Spider! (Apologies for this one)
The sounds of the jungle bush in the north are much different to the sounds of the flatter bush lands to the west and to those hectic noises of Nkata Bay on the Lake. Unlike the towns, there is no music being pumped almost 24/7 from dawn break, there is no bustling village near our pillows and…
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Ravin’ Bees and a lot of Gin
The storms have begun and thankfully, we weren’t caught out, floating around on some hefty hollowed-out tree trunks near Mozambique (as we had planned). Plenty has however, been blown off in Nkata Bay. Many flimsy roofs (most of them thatched or corrugated aluminium), boats have been battered and businesses are now busy cleaning and sweeping…
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A geriatric, old swan from Scotland
Although she is reliably late, the Ilala ferry is a stalwart of lakeshore life in Malawi. Overworked engines, (possibly) drunk captains, questionable weather, the economy, people falling over board, a rusty hull and broken steel, pontoons being sailed into and sunk, and loose animals on board could all be blamed for a schedule which, at best,…
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Life’s a Beach, with a few owls and some fly burgers
The project to kayak along some of the lake shore of Mozambique has sadly been put on hold – due to the kayaks not arriving from South Africa. We’re closing in on mango season; the unpredictable storms and heavy rains wouldn’t help our efforts. Attempting the expedition for three weeks on canoes made by digging…
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Crocodiles, Music, and a Sorry Sanctuary
I just needed to man up! Whatever I had last night was not malaria. A decent breakfast and a swim in some, apparently crocodile-friendly waters and I am fine. This area of the lake is busy with crocodile. Friends of ours who travelled here with us last night went for a morning walk and reported seeing a small…
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Something to do with a drunk captain…
Something to do with a drunk captain…or at least an extended stop while he visits his mistress(es) – of this I have absolutely no evidence other than everyone talking about it on the ferry like its yesterday’s news. Whatever the reason (I’m blaming mistress number three) the boat is, as usual, delayed. Following a very…
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Where Elephants Once Ruled
On the beach at Ruarwe, along with hundreds of other folk, we loaded our belongings into the rickety boats that realistically in the west would have carried a quota of about 15 folk. We’ve managed to stuff about 40 people on each craft including all manner of bags and suitcases, potato sacks, fish, goats, chickens, and a solar panel…
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Chiefly Politics and Recovery
I would love to say that like my two malaria muppets and the infected leg bandit, that my next few days were a smoke-free, alcohol-free resuscitation period, but I’d be lying. While the chaps have been recovering from their horrid ailments, I have spent the days gargling salty water, popping ibuprofen, rehydrating with powders that…
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Fatal mistakes, losing your jaw in the night….and Roy Hodgson
Baboons kept me awake all night (as well as trying to sleep in the hammock). Hackling, coughing and grunting to each other around the forest floor, it must be a social serenade to them. Shouting in the dark; probably making each other aware of the nearby dangers, they’re quite arrogant in their anti-neighbour behaviour. We…
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Malaria
Bjorn woke up this morning with what he thought was a mild hangover, but quickly within an hour, announced he had malaria. It comes on fast, especially when you’re in somewhat uncomfortable and hot surroundings. Naturally, the young paratrooper was keen to mock and inform Bjorn that he just can’t handle a few shots from the…
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Backpacking Spooners….and Charlie
Charlie was a young Berkshire boy who lost himself backpacking in Malawi over eighteen years ago – back when most of the lakeshore was wild and when backpackers didn’t expect to be lazily-spoon-fed all the secrets that an area has to offer. Queue sweeping statements and controversy…. Having come across a lot of modern backpackers…
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A corpse, a lot of blood, and a Chelsea smile
Back down the river in the bush north of Ruarwe, we found a new splotch of blood on a large rock by the river. This time, it wasn’t from the floods that came spurting out of my finger. Apart from my unfortunate digit, I haven’t called for the medic for many weeks now! On the…
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Perfect for a paddle…and a few cannonballs
As far as we know, and as far as we like to guess, no human has travelled up this river valley since the mid 19th Century. We assume there was some exploration at the time of slavery, and it may even have been used as a route to escape the lakeshore horrors. There really is…
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Look what we found! …and a Side Stabbing Snake
Tasting with their feet, an abundant and colourful butterfly population are constantly around us as we expedite up the river. Green water snakes hunt fish, spiders cast their webs as sails to catch the wind and transport themselves hundreds of miles, the rare blue-faced monkeys that live here (which actually have a red tint in…
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Leopards, Crabs, and Unknown Poison
Last night, Matt cooked dinner. As he picked up some kindling to move it onto the fire, he was bitten or stung by an unknown creepy crawly. A regular occurrence in the wild if you’re not paying a lot of attention. Losing feeling in his hand and with the numbness spreading up his arm, he…
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A thirst-quenching cauldron full of vivid hallucinogens
Sleeping in a hammock is rather good for keeping you off the jungle floor, if you can sleep! It’s perfect for catching a few winks, but to sleep through the muggy night is rather like trying to sleep in a kitchen drawer as someone is trying to close it shut, while at the same time an electric…
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Miniature-stealth scorpions and Schwarzeneaggar-esque Jiminey crickets…
Miniature-stealth scorpions and Schwarzeneaggar-esque Jiminey crickets, hypnotic millipedes and flesh-piercing ants. Nothing in the bush is ever bug proof and whether it be stabbing you with a sting, munching through your skin, shooting some kind of acid onto your skin from its arse or mouth, latching onto your urethra when you pop for a piss,…
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Truly into the wild, and lying to my mother about it…
There is no point in comparing the bush experience we had in Kasungu, near the Zambia border, to what we are enjoying on the northern lake tributary. For one, we’re not concerned about armed poachers. We’re not being naive; we’ll be extremely surprised to find evidence of them here. There should be no elephant as it’s…
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Some more controversy for you…
Before disappearing up a watery gash in the landscape to explore where one of the northern rivers flows into Lake Malawi, we catch our breath and take a chance to soak up some of the scenery near Ruarwe. The village is a typical, lake-shore place. It’s dusty, full of brick buildings with straw roofs. A…
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Hangovers, Goats, and some Freekin Ice!
Leaving over two hours later than scheduled, the “local” boat, as its referred to, took over eleven hours to carry us to Ruarwe at the north end of Lake Malawi. If Tom Jones were here, I’d be embarrassed to report that it’s not unusual (I promise the jokes don’t get any worse). It may be…
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Food…and drugs…and drunk fishermen…
Before we reached the lion’s den we passed Malawi’s largest farmed area of rubber trees. Tapped, much like maple trees for their syrup, the rubber trees contribute to a healthy list of Malawian exports. The processing plant is a privatised, Indian-run establishment and looks like a sturdy and huge, dust-covered corrugated fort. I imagine it’s…
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Barbecuing Beer, Intelligent Pigeons and Chuck Norris…
At last! You say. This one isn’t about how terrible humans are to the unfortunate wildlings. I had goaded one of the more social park rangers to join us for a game of shot glass-battleships. It can’t all be elephants and heffalumps when in a colonial-style lodge! After our ranger had energetically announced that together,…
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Marrying Sharron…
Compared to a few other nations on the continent, Malawi has remained relatively peaceful. Even through the historically volatile and ongoing trials of Southern Africa, the people here remain extremely welcoming and friendly. Understanding life in places such as Malawi is one aspect to my travels. Ultimately though, sharing my experiences and hoping to bring…
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Mobile cash machines in a war zone
Life isn’t all covert operations, investigations into convolutions or apprehending unfortunate forest folk. In truth, as much as I enjoy and appreciate the experiences to understand what “protected wilderness” is, making the much required military-style efforts part of my adventurous lifestyle isn’t MY desired calling. It is however, why these parks are called PROTECTED. It…
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Should we accept a sad fate?
Six months ago, the village we found yesterday, where we apprehended a man, was burned to the ground and returned to the wild. We saw remnants of scorched earth, charcoaled shacks and blackened beams as we stealthily operated under the sparse forest canopy. The people living in the park are doing so illegally. There is…
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Jealous of my lifestyle? Read this one
Three sounds concerned me as I tried to fall asleep in the Kasungu bush. One, chickens. They shouldn’t be here. Two, gunshots. They weren’t for the chickens. And three, the sound of snoring. Nobody needs to hear that, especially any encroachers with their weapons. It’s also as hot a sauna, and I don’t fancy being…
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Hopefully, without getting shot…
Hopefully, without getting shot, stabbed, sliced with a machete or even just damaged by anything in the bush…. After an early start to pack our bags with appropriate and thoroughly checked equipment, we had to wait a few extra hours for the ranger to show up. Here, timekeeping is a rare skill and even if…
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Kasungu National Park
While at the triathlon in Cape Maclear, and through no late night liquid coercion, Bjorn and I accepted a welcoming invite from Matteau, Remi and Leonie to visit them in Kasungu National Park. Matteau currently runs the volunteer anti poaching unit, operating with the permission of the government and the Malawian department of national parks.…
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It was a success…. Nobody died!
Beyond the point of relaxation and drifting into a tired trance, I managed to stay up for another thirteen hours after a fifty hour+ sleepless journey from the U.S. to Cape Maclear. Helping my new friends, we made sure the bar had little left and I finally gave in to my pillow of dreams and…
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Just missing that haunting, panpipe-style, ding ding…
I’m normally a morning person, and here in Cape MacClear waking up isn’t too much of a problem. The natural sounds of the village children (not a Village People spin off band) resonate around the lakeshore and invade the ears like touring musical mice whistling into megaphones on a carnival float. Come 7am there’s normally…
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Skip this opportunity? Don’t be silly!
Outside of Lilongwe (Malawi’s capital) it’s hard not to feel like I’m in a remote place compared to the western world I’ve just left behind. The countryside vistas vary as we drive around the mid country; seemingly stereotypical, grass-roofed African villages are located everywhere with the occasional aluminium shelter shining in the sun. The dry,…
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Nobody ever accomplished anything alone…
Just before the end of my adventure across the United States in 2014, seemingly impressed by my intrepid spirit and wordsmithing, I received an email from a man I had briefly met a few years earlier. He requested I help him complete a couple of expeditions and begin some projects in some remote and relatively…
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Malawi: Africa’s Warm Heart
The last you saw of me was when I left Portland, OR. They even had a new carpet in the airport! Time to let you all know what in the world I’ve been up to on the African continent. Malawi to be precise. Strewn all over the editing table, my notes and tidbits are on…
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Survival on Arrival
After a fifty hour journey to Lilongwe, I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived. I had emailed my contact, without response six days prior and said that hopefully I would be on time. I only lost one item of luggage between the four flights (unnerving considering I only took two)! It could…
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Blogs coming soon…
Once the New York to Alaska blogs have been synced, Malawi posts will appear here. For updates click on the “Follow” button.
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